009: Inspiring Story of Resilience - John Butler

The conversation begins with John, a podcast host, reflecting on how life's challenges can put things into perspective. He emphasizes the importance of not dwelling on minor issues and highlights the growth and change that can occur over time.

John shares his experiences as a drummer turned photographer and how life took unexpected turns. He underscores the importance of gratitude and being content with what one has, rather than constantly pursuing material wealth or external validation. He believes that the 40s are a turning point in life when individuals start to truly understand themselves.

The conversation shifts towards John's daughter and her struggles with making friends due to her aversion to mean-spiritedness. John encourages her to turn adversity into humor, a philosophy he applies in his own life. He believes that laughter is a healing force and has used it to overcome various challenges.

The host then asks John how his perspective on life and happiness has evolved through his experiences. John emphasizes the importance of gratitude and contentment with one's current situation. He advises people to embrace their unique journey and not to be overly focused on societal expectations or comparison to others. He highlights the significance of empathy, as people often hide their struggles behind a smile.

The conversation turns towards John's podcast, "Butler's Babble." John explains that he started the podcast during the COVID-19 pandemic as a way to connect with people while in lockdown. He wanted to create a video podcast that empowered, motivated, and inspired others. The podcast features guests who have overcome various traumas and challenges in their lives and now want to share their stories to help and inspire others.

John provides examples of guests on his podcast, such as individuals who survived heart attacks, battled addiction, coped with brain injuries, or faced relationship struggles. He emphasizes that these stories come from everyday people who've experienced hardships and wish to offer hope and guidance to those going through similar situations.

John expresses his desire to reach a wider audience and continue growing the podcast. He hopes to inspire more people by featuring compelling stories of resilience and recovery.

In the final moments of the conversation, the host praises John's interview style and commitment to sharing inspirational stories. He mentions being an active listener of the podcast and encourages others to check it out.

John expresses his gratitude and encourages listeners to subscribe to his podcast on YouTube. He emphasizes that the more subscribers he gains, the greater the impact he can have in sharing these powerful stories of resilience.

In conclusion, the conversation with John revolves around life's challenges, personal growth, the importance of gratitude, and the creation of his podcast, "Butler's Babble," which focuses on sharing stories of individuals who have overcome adversity to inspire others. John's philosophy centers on empathy, resilience, and embracing one's unique journey while finding strength in humor and laughter.

Butler's Babble
https://www.youtube.com/@butlersbabble

http://www.unmuffledbanter.com/
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550068562515
https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550110965972
Twitter: @joeymisbehave

Track: "Im Standing"
Music provided by https://Slip.stream
Free Download/Stream: https://get.slip.stream/fRKKaH

Transcript

 John, welcome to Muffled Banter. I'm glad that you're joining us today. I've been looking forward to this one. 

 Thank you for having me. I've been looking forward to it. Also, um, 

 you have a very unique story, I feel like and the one thing I would like to jump in on at the very beginning is you were in a vehicle accident. My understanding is 

 yes. Back in I want to say about 20, 22 years ago, something like that. I think it was around 2000, 2001. I don't remember the exact date. I just remember that area. And it was, uh, basically I was doing a photo shoot. Um, I was working at a company called Muscle Mag, which was a bodybuilding magazine. They also had a women's magazine called Oxygen Women's Fitness. And we were at a Toronto area. That's where the head office was. And I was actually off not working at the time. It was on a weekend that I was off and I had driven with a friend of mine down to Chicago to do a photo shoot with one of the fitness models that we feature in magazines all the time. And so we went down for the weekend. We did the whole shoot. Everything went great. We ended up staying a little later on the one day, I think it was a Monday night and we didn't end up leaving Chicago until probably around, I want to say 1:00 Chicago time. And so we made the drive home from Chicago to Toronto, and it was around, I want to say about 8:00 in the morning in we were already back in Ontario, Canada by that time, and we were in between Toronto and London, Ontario, which is down by the Detroit border there. And we were halfway, I guess, in a little area called London, Ontario. And we were going through and I guess I was just tired from driving and didn't think very well and without even looking in my blindspots or my mirrors, I just decided I was going to make a lane change onto the right lane from the lane that I was in. It was a major highway in Toronto called the 401. And I just proceeded I put my signal on and proceeded to go into the next lane without even looking, unbeknownst to me, without looking. There was an 18 Wheeler truck right beside me, a little bit further back, of course, because I didn't really notice them at first. And as I changed lanes this 18 Wheeler, I ended up hitting the side of his front tire there with the side of my car, which with the speed we were going and the impact and his tire spinning flung me in front of his truck and he ended up T-boned me right off the highway where I went through the guardrail. We flipped in from going from what witnesses told the police. We went through the guardrail up in the air, landed and rolled a couple times, flew back up in the air, landed and rolled. And we ended up quite a ways from the actual highway itself and which shook everybody up and shook me up. Of course, my buddy that was in the car, he was sleeping at the time. And of course that's one way to get woken up. And, um, and then the truck driver two apparently was just in shambles because he thought he killed us. And it wasn't his fault. It was my fault. Luckily, I think somebody was watching over us that day because we both. Came out unscathed. Basically, the only injuries was my buddy had a little cut on his right hand on the side there from when he punched the window to try and get out because the car ended up sideways on the driver's side. So he was freaking out and he hit there the window. And I don't hate just hold on like you're getting glass all over me here. So he was able to pull himself out. And luckily where my door was was so mangled. There was a little bit of an opening there that was able to crawl out from underneath and get out of the car. That was basically the only injuries we had. I think he might have had a little bit. He hit his head on the front windshield, but no, maybe just a mild concussion. That was about it. But for some reason, with the way this was just a little Ford Escort, too. So it's not like a big car. And somehow we came out, this car was totaled and we came out with no scratches, basically, other than that little cut on his hand and put a whole new perspective on life after that, that's for sure. Yeah. So up until then, I was the type of person that lived life. You got a 9 to 5 job, you worked hard, you you did what you had to to survive in life. And this started making me look at things a little differently. Like, is this really what I want to do all my life? Is this really how I want to live my life? And so it actually made me take a little bit more chances in life, too. So it was it was definitely an eye opening experience. 

Yeah, I can imagine. So that's a very traumatic experience for sure. And definitely someone was watching over y'all. Definitely. Definitely. Yeah. And thankfully, not only for y'all, but for the truck driver as well, because I couldn't imagine being on that end of it either. 

 Know Exactly. And he was apparently shook up himself and even the owner of the truck company apparently I guess he was called when he when the accident happened is he called this company and said this is what just happened. And he came flying down. And when I saw him over by the police car later on, he said that he was the one who owned the truck. It was his company. And I apologize to him. He said, you know what? I don't care. He goes, the truck is flying. I don't even think there's a scratch on it. He goes, Well, I'm more worried about you. He said, My trucks can be fixed. They can be repaired. You can't. So as long as you're okay. He was shook up more about me than his truck, which was really nice to hear. The driver, of course, he was upset because he thought he killed us. And luckily that didn't happen. And I'm sure he was shaken up. But he got it was okay. And we have a lot of good witnesses, apparently. And so when I when the police officer, we had an amazing police officer who actually was at the scene and his main focus was, sit down, relax. We've got people here that saw what happened. I'm going to talk to them first. I want you to collect yourself. You're fine. You're alive. Worry about yourself right now and I'll talk to you in a few minutes. I said, okay. So he went and talked to a bunch of witnesses. Um, and then by the time he called me into his car, he told me that he was glad that we were both okay and everybody was okay and that he talked all the witnesses and they all agreed that I wasn't reckless driving, I wasn't weaving in and out, I wasn't doing a whole bunch of speeding and stuff. He said, It looks like you just made a bad judgment and had an accident. And so he said, I'm not going to charge you with many things or like charge you in a way that's going to get your criminal record. All I'm going to do is give you an illegal lane change, which came at that time with, I think, a small fine and maybe 1 or 2 demerit points. And other than that, that was always going to charge me with, which was nice. My biggest thing is I was in tears because I'm thinking I just wrecked my dad's car. My dad's going to kill me. He's like, You know what? I'm pretty sure he's going to be more happy that you're okay than his car. So because the car can be replaced. So. But yeah, like you said, somebody up there was looking over us, so. And here we are today. Still here. Wow. 

 And is this when you made the career change? 

 Yes and no. Like. Yeah, I guess you can say that because I was working at that magazine, but I wasn't doing photography at the time. I was just doing it on the side as a part time thing. So I worked my normal 9 to 5 job at this magazine and on the side I would do photoshoots and submit them to the magazine, see if they wanted to use them and stuff. But it made me start thinking about doing things for myself. So probably for about another six or so, 6 or 8 months, I was still working there and doing it, but still things were going through my mind and it was actually I was driving in my car one day and a song came on the radio by Garth Brooks, and I'm not sure if you've heard or not, but it's called 1.4s Standing Outside the Fire. And if you listen to the chorus in there and the words really rang to me in the chorus, it said, Life is not tried. It is merely survived If you're standing outside the fire. And I took those words to heart and I'm like, you know what? Basically, what I'm doing is I'm standing outside watching everybody else do what they're going to do. And I'm just standing, being the safe one, standing on the outside. And instead, if you want to relate it to your life, if you want anything to happen, you're going to have to get into that fire and you're going to have to start doing things for yourself. And the old saying if you do the same old thing, you're going to get the same old results. So I decided that I wasn't going to stand outside the fire anymore. I was actually going to jump into the fire. And so after hearing that song one day I got my nerve and sometime that week walked into my boss's office and thanked him for everything he had done for me because he helped me get my photography career off and was buying a lot of stuff from me and lending me equipment sometimes that I said, I think I'm ready to try it on my own and so I'm going to give my notice. I'll stay here to train the next couple of weeks and help you train a new person, but I'm going to give him my notes. I'm going to try and make it on my own. And that's when I decided to do the photography full time. So I quit my job and moved back home because I was living about ten minutes away from my parents place. But I quit my job, moved back home temporarily to get things going and just started advertising and trying to get the photography business going. That was probably around 2001, I think, when I quit my job. Wow. That's a huge. Especially for being that young of an adult 

 and trying to go ahead and and do something on your own like that. 

 It was scary. I'm not going to lie to you. And it didn't it didn't work out right at the beginning either. Mean, I had my pitfalls. I was getting some jobs here and there, but I wasn't making enough to make a living. So that's why I was still living at home at the time and just trying to get it going. So it took a lot of work and a lot of work. And then it wasn't until I was dating one of my ex girlfriends at the time, and she was living out at the time in Edmonton, Alberta, which is in the western area of Canada. And I ended up moving out there and lived there for three years and I ended up getting a job right when I got there at a camera store. So I was actually working full time in a photography camera store and doing a photography on the side. So I was still in my same business. I just wasn't doing the whole photography studio stuff at the time, but I was still doing photo shoots and I was still offering my my photography for different charities and stuff, but was also working a 9 to 5 job at a camera store to make a living. And but at least it was still in the same the same realm of what I wanted to do with my life. So that helped me get started because it helped me build my equipment up too, because I was getting equipment for cheaper by working there than if I was just somebody came in and off the street because I was getting special deals on stuff by being an employee there. So it helped me build up my my repertoire a bit, build up my portfolio and also build some equipment so that I could eventually just go full time into the photography. 

I did notice and I was going to give you a little bit of a hard time about it. Is that your canon shooter? Yes. I'm a Nikon shooter. 

 And I used to be a Nikon shooter, too. When I moved Edmonton. I was still doing Nikon at that time, but in the film days. 

 Oh, yeah. Okay. Got you. I remember the film days. I missed those days, actually. Yeah. 

 The only thing I didn't have to do was I never developed my own prints and stuff like that. I just. I learned in school the one semester that I did go to college before I dropped out. They did have photography one on one, and I did learn darkroom one on one, but it was only developing the film itself, black and white films. We shot up black and white film. We would develop it ourselves in the darkroom there with the canisters and all that stuff. But then I didn't have to do the whole trays with the tongs and doing the paper like that because all we had to do was take our paper, put it underneath the easel, put our negative in, do the exposure we want. And then there was a machine there. We would feed the film or the paper into and so many minutes later it would pop out the other side with it all done with all the the developer and fixer and stop and all those chemicals that you normally used had to do with your hands. It did it all for you. Just put it out on the other side. So that was a lot nicer. Oh wow. That's pretty unique because I started with black and white film and and I did do all the chemicals and all that stuff. And of course, I was when I was in high school, so I was really young. But it really, I think everybody. It does photography regardless of its for a living or a hobby. They have a love affair with it. And I agree  with you. I think you have to  really to be able to to do it on a consistent basis. 1.4s

 I think sometimes it's mentally draining, at least for me. 

 It can be. And it's also if you're going to go full time in business like I am, which is what I do for a living now, you really have to love it because when you go full time as a business, you're not just thinking of the photography part because the shooting is probably maybe 20% of what I do, maybe 30 at the most. The other 70 years old percent is doing administrative stuff, doing phone calling, doing advertising and marketing and networking and dealing with 1.2s editing and doing all. Now, you're not just a photographer too. You're also your accountant. You're also your business manager, your marketer, your advertising rep, and you're also your your darkroom because what used to be you shot it and just gave it to a lab. Let them develop everything and you just got your prints back or your negatives back. Now you're you're you're doing Photoshop. That's your basically that's your darkroom. You're putting your negatives in there. You're doing what you got to do, and then you're printing it out, sending it to your lab to be printed. So you've got to be a jack of all trades now. So you really got to love it if you're going to do it as a passion because it can mentally drain you a little bit because that all that other stuff and all you're like, I just want to shoot pictures. That's all I want to do. I want to take beautiful pictures and I don't want all this other stuff in the way. But unfortunately, if you want to do as a profession and build a career on it, you're going to have to learn those other stuff too, and take the good with the bad. So, yeah, well, I learned that. I  love taking pictures. I hate editing pictures. 2.4s Now I'm married, a wonderful woman who I got into photography and she loves the editing  part. So and that's why I do here too,  is it? 

 I don't mind doing the editing, but I taught my wife Photoshop probably about, I want to say about 12 years ago. And I would like to say that she's probably better than I am now. Technical wise, I'm better because I if she doesn't know how to do something, I'll show her how you can do it technical wise, or I'll go online and find out how to do it in Photoshop or whatever and say, okay, here's how you do it. But when it comes to the creative side and actually making them look good, she knocks me out of the water. I'm sure I can take a nice headshot of you and take it into Photoshop and I'll make it look great. I'm not going to go crazy on it because I want you to look like you, but I'll do my little touch ups and make you look great and then I can give it to her and she'll be like, Oh, I could do better than that. And she'll do it. And ten times she'll ten out of ten times she'll knock me out of water and we end up using hers over mine because she's just that good at it. So that's awesome. Yeah. So we have a good little work relationship that way. So I do all the shooting in the business side and dealing with client. She sits in the office and does all the editing and helps with all the the what do you call it, the budget stuff and the numbers and things like that. With the accountant, she works with the accountant and stuff like that. So she does all that kind of stuff. Oh, 

 okay. That's pretty unique, you know, working with your spouse and everything, that's got to be a pretty unique experience. How long have you been working together? 

 Well, since I opened my studio space, I'll probably, um, I would say around 2009 is when I went full time as an actual full fledged studio because when I first moved here, then this is a little small town just outside of Ottawa, Canada, I had to do a normal job to pay the bills until the name got it because I was a new guy on the block. And so I worked at a fiberboard plant here making molding and baseboard moldings and things like that and fiberboard they laid us. That was in 2007. I got that job and then they laid us off in late 2008. And when they laid us off, I was due for about eight months worth of E.I., um, which was great for me and which is like employment insurance. So basically I'd never used it in my life, even though I'd paid into it all my life. Never use. And I said to my wife, You know why I've never used it. Um, and at that time, I guess I was probably around 30, I want to say around 35, 36, something like that, actually. Probably golden that I was probably like 37, 38. I said, I'm going to take the eight months. So they basically were paying me for eight months to sit home. But instead of sitting home, we started doing a lot more photography. We started opening up the business and doing it part time, trying to get the name out there, doing a whole bunch of shoots to basically turn my basement into a photo studio, use that eight months to market network ourselves. So the point when I ran out in 2009, around July, we basically told the, ah, the government we're going full time and we went full time as a photography studio and we've never looked back and we've been doing this now full time since 2009. So we're on what, 14 years now as a full time photography studio in this area. 

 That is awesome. I love that. That is cool. Well, my understanding is, is that your wife had had some health issues. Um, so 

 yeah, that was back in 2007. So while I was working at the Fiberboard plant, um, we, um, she was having, she had had some issues back in the early 2000, around 2003, I think it was, where she had a mild stroke. And at that time she didn't even know she was having one. It wasn't till she went to the hospital later that afternoon, the next day, and they said, yeah, you had a mild stroke. So they had her on medications and things like that. And while they found out she had a stroke while searching in there, they also found out that she had a hole in her heart. And inside the heart was also an aneurysm. But they said as long as the aneurysm stays in your heart, you're fine. Nothing's going to happen as long as it stays there. So we've never had an issue with that. But the hole in the heart, they actually had to close up because apparently and I could be wrong if there's any doctors or nurses out there, don't chastise me if I'm completely wrong. But from what I've heard and read, when when a. Born, they're automatically born and they have a little hole in their heart. But over time, it actually closes on its own. Once you start taking your first breath out in the open and things like that, it closes up and it just seals over and everybody's fine. But every now and then, people, it never closes up on them. And my wife's, she still had a hole in her heart. So they put in what's called a PFO closure, which is basically it looks like a reversible umbrella almost. And they go in through the groin area and they go right up into the heart and they put this thing in that place. And over time, what happens is the skin on the hard nut just starts forming over top of it and it just basically closes up the heart or the hole. And when they did that with her, they told her that it was like 99.9% closed and she should have no problem. As long as it stays like that or even goes 100, she'll be fine. And the problem was and we found out we were pregnant in 2007, I believe it was we she was she ended up getting an enlarged heart from the pregnancy and from that heart enlarging it actually opened up the hole a little bit. And what happened was apparently she had a clot in her heart, which if it would have stayed in her heart, it would have been fine because eventually we just would have just worked itself out. But it ended up leaving the heart, going through that hole and went right up to her brain and ended up causing a major stroke where she ended up losing her whole left side for a while, paralyzed on her whole left side. 1.4s And this was around December 22nd, December 23rd of 2007. So this is like 2 or 3 days before Christmas. And she ended up she's coming down the stairs saying like, things are not right. We got to go see the doctor. So I'll go to the hospital to the emergency. So I drove her to the emergency room and they looked at her and we told her like, she's got a history of strokes now. So they took her in right away and they did all these tests and they said, it looks like you're actually going through a stroke right now. But it was past the window of when they can give her this special medication that would have probably stopped the stroke in its workings. But apparently it was past that window, so they couldn't give it to her. And so they put her in a room right away. And I stayed there that night in her in her room. And I caught myself. And after I don't know what time it was really early. The morning was like 1 or 2 in the morning, three in the morning, something like that. I get woken up by her screaming at me, saying that she can't move her left side. And basically she woke up and and wanted to go pee or something like that. She had to go to the bathroom or something. But when she went to move, she couldn't move her whole left side. And so she was, of course, scared to death. And she's yelling at me and I wake up and I go, So I call the nurses and that and they come in and then they get the doctors to come in. And it turned out that she was still going through her stroke and that's basically paralyzed her whole left side. So the next morning they finally got her into an ambulance, which drove her from our small hospital, our small town hospital here the hour and a half away to one of the major hospitals. In Ottawa. And by that time she was actually slurring her words to and stuff. And that's how they knew that she had a major stroke and she was hospitalized. Going back and forth from our small hospital here in in Pembroke, Ontario, to Ottawa, going back and forth about four times in that four month period. And so she was basically living for four months in the hospital. We had a six year old daughter and a two month old daughter when this happened. And I'm working 12 hour shift work at the Fiberboard plant. And so luckily her parents lived around the corner from us. So if it wasn't for them, I don't know how we would have got through it because I was working, like I said, 12 hour shift work. I would get up at say six in the morning or 530 in the morning, six in the morning, drive the kids over to grandma and grandpa's house, drop them off, go get to the hospital for about 630, 6:45 so I can see my wife, make sure she's okay, see how she's doing. And then from there, five minutes down the road or ten minutes down the road to my job and work from seven in the morning till seven at night. From that time, I would then drive back to the hospital, see how she's doing, how her day went, see what's going on, then stay for about a half an hour or so, then go home, pick up the kids, take them home, feed them, get them ready for bed. Of course, it's a two month old baby, so you don't necessarily know if she's going to bed or not and then have to do the whole thing the next day. And then all of a sudden where you're working nights and you're doing seven at night till seven in the morning, and it was just a whole routine and it wasn't easy, but we made it through it, actually. When stuff like that happens, I think that's when you find out how strong you really are and how resilient the human person can be. Because I was probably going on 3 or 4 hours sleep every night and every day because I was trying to make sure I was there for my wife to make sure she knew she's not alone there because she's stuck at the hospital by herself. 1.1s I'm trying my best to when I could take our girls to go see their mom, I tried to do it every day or every other day if I could, because they're missing their mom and 1s she's missing the kids. Of course, she's got these kids at home and she's got a newborn baby that she can't bond with and things like that. So I'm trying to take them as much as I can so they can see them. And yeah, it was it was rough on everybody, but we made it through. And then she finally they didn't think that she was going to survive. And they got to the point where they didn't think they could do anything else for her. So they basically, on April 1st, released her from the hospital saying, we're going to let you go home. We think that it's the best place for you and you'll be more comfortable there. And even though the doctor at the one time just before they left, she went over to her and he's like, do you mind if I say a prayer for you? And she's like, okay. So he went and said a prayer for her because they didn't think that once she left, they were ever going to see her again because they thought she was going to basically not survive this. But I think it was the best thing she needed 1s because by the time she got to our we stayed at her father and Mother Stepmom's place for the first month or two because it was more of a one level house compared to ours. That was three levels. And with her stroke and her still limping on her left side. Was starting to get some stuff back. We needed more stability for her, so we stayed there for a couple of weeks or a couple of months, and all of a sudden she just started getting better and better. And I think it was just more of a depression while she was at the hospital that once she got home she was getting better and better, eating regular food, seeing her kids and her husband and her mom and her dad and stepmom on a regular basis every day. And it was just trying to get more back to a regular life again. I think it picked her up and helped her get through it because going back to the hospital days, those four months, she almost died on a boat four times while she was there. I don't know how many times I got a call saying she's in the ICU right now because she was clotting here and she was clotting there and they didn't know why she kept clotting and stuff. So it's an ongoing battle. But for a person who they sent home thinking they were never going to see her again and she probably wouldn't survive it, it's now, what, 17 years later, 16 years later, and she's still here with us and she's doing a lot better right now. So that's awesome. Yeah. So she never regained it all means her. Her hand, her left hand is probably an arm. Maybe she got 65, 70% of it back and she was left handed, too. So she had to learn to do everything with her right hand. After that, even with our Photoshop, helping me with doing editing in my Photoshop and that she uses her right hand for everything, even though she used to be left handed. 1.4s And then her left leg still has a limp and has what's called a drop foot. So every time she lifts her leg, her foot wants to drop. So she did have a special boot for it, but she doesn't like wearing it, so she doesn't do it. She just walks on her own with the limp. And yeah, here she is and she's still with us. And she's not giving up without a fight, that's for sure. Because every time we go, her heart's back to normal. Now her heart's back to a normal size. 1.6s Yeah, she's still pretty healthy. So it was a setback, but we got through it. 

 I can't imagine that the mental fortitude that you had to have for that also. Was there any key turning points for you where you felt like you needed to concentrate on your mental health during that? 

 Um, it's a good question because I know people always like my mom would I would call my mom from the hospital and be talking to her. And she was saying like she'd been seeing pictures of me, like online, maybe on Facebook or something. She's like, You're looking a little thin yourself compared to normal. Are you eating? Make sure you look after yourself. And and I probably wasn't looking after myself as much as I should have been. My whole thing was trying to be there for her, but also be there for our two girls because they're girls and their mom's not at home. And it's funny because our oldest daughter, of course, was six years old at the time, so she still didn't know what was going on. But still, it's mommy and where's Mommy? And she was a mommy's girl at the time, too, so she was struggling with it a little bit, but she didn't really understand it as much. She just knew mommy was sick and at the hospital, but she'll be coming home soon type of thing. And of course, the newborn baby is only two months old. But it's funny because growing up she was more of a daddy's girl. And I think that had to do with the whole mommy being hospitalized for for the first four months of her life, because when the baby's born, of course, that first. Six months a year. There's a big bonding period there, especially with the mom, with the whole like you got breastfeeding. You've got just that whole connection that the mother carrying that baby for nine months in her stomach and comes out and they do that bonding and that carries on. Well, they didn't have that bonding as much. I mean, they had a two month bonding period afterwards. But then moms hospitalized for four months after that. For the first six months, I was both mom and dad to her, basically. So it formed that bond with her and I that mostly the mom and the daughter would usually have. And now she's more of a both she's a daddy's girl, but she's also a mommy's girl when when when it suits her, of course, because she's 15 going on 16 now. So but but yeah it was it was a rough on all of us. I don't think it was just my mental health. I think I didn't really think of it until sometimes when it was just quiet time. Like I know there was a couple times where I'd be at home late at night, could be one in the morning or something like that. And I had a friend who lived in the States who I went to high school with are in junior high also, and she ended up being a massage therapist, but she was also had a doctor degree. And there were times when I would just call her because she said if I needed any, let her know. And so I would pick up the phone. I would call her because I knew she was up at the time and I would just released some energy there, just letting her know like, you have to get it out. You have to when you're upset like that, you can't just hold it all in. You do have to let it out. And she was a good person to let it out, too, because she being in that industry, I would tell her like they should be like, well, what are they saying? And I'd be saying, Well, they're telling me this, this and this and this. And she goes, okay, this is what it means. And she would reiterate it in layman's terms instead of doctor terms. So I can understand what they were talking about, what she was going through physically and things like that. And it made it help me to have somebody to bounce that stuff off of to like because like I said, you need that release. You need to bounce this stuff off of somebody to get some positive feedback because you don't know what's going to happen. You don't know if your wife's coming out or not and she's going to survive it or whatever it is. So it was nice to have that person with that background that I can bounce these things off of even late at night like that. And she's like, No, don't worry about it. She's going to be fine. If this is what they're saying, then yeah, it's serious, but it's not as serious as you're thinking it is. And she would give it to me in more layman's terms and would help me settle down a bit more. And then I would go and I would talk to the doctors and they say, Yeah, this is what it means. And it was exactly what she was saying. So I don't think, like you said, mentally, I realized how much I was suffering mentally during that time until years later, because then you start to sit and think back and it was like, wow, how did I make it through that? And I used to hear rumors from people saying, I can't believe that you were able to last that long and you didn't just get up and pick up and leave. And it's like, Well, how can you do that? You get married, you have kids and it's a family and you're there even taking intervals. You're there for sickness and health through richer, for poorer. You're there through the rough times to not just the good times, just because it got really rough. You don't just get up and leave. And there were some people that I knew that would tell me, like they don't know if they could have handled that and they probably would have got up and left a long time before that. And it's unfortunate, but there are people out there that are like that. And 1s but I think I don't know, I just was strong of who I was. And and you have that love of your family and you're you're going to be there for them no matter what. And then there's been times since then that they've been there for me, too. So I don't think I really processed the whole mental thing until later on in life when things started. People start talking more about mental health. Then you start looking back and you start realizing it. 

 So yeah, this a subject I think that's more talked about nowadays than what it was even 15, 20 years ago. And, and I think we was that subject coming up. We think about things in our lives that's happened and we're like, wow, that was like really tough situation. How did I make it through that? Like you were saying, and didn't you have things come up sometimes and you're like, Well, I made it through that. Why am I struggling through this situation? 1.2s

 And like you said, I get mental health back in my day. Like I was born early 70s and so through the 70s and 80s and even 90s it was you never mentioned if you had a mental health issue, you didn't even know what it was. A mental health issue. Nobody talked about it. They were just like, Oh, you, you're just going to grow up. You're just going to suck it up and be a man and things like that. Or it was never talked about. And if you did talk about it, then they wanted to put you away because they thought you're nuts are crazy. It was just something it was a stigma to it. Yeah. And nowadays, I'd say in the last 15, 20 years, I mean, there's still not 100% out there yet. But at the same time, I think in the last 15 years especially, it's become more into the forefront of mental health and and how much I mean, you look at hockey players. I mean, I grew up in Toronto, Canada, where it's hockey town, Canada. And how many hockey players now do you hear about that had so many mental issues back then, mostly from being banged around and their heads being banged around. And you had enforcers, as they called them, that were fighters on the team, that that's all they were doing. They were sitting on the bench until they needed to go get their shift, to go out there and start fighting with somebody. And a lot of these guys, when they leave their career, they have nothing else to go into. They don't know anything else. It's their early 30s. They're done their career and all they've done is learn how to fight and beat people up and their brains been banged around so much that they have all these mental health issues. And that's when the suicides happen. And all these old hockey players that you're hearing passing away at early life, all because of all these mental health issues that were never addressed in there. And it just it's nice to see now that you can actually talk about stuff like that. And people are actually listening. It's it's it's about time. It's been like that. Yeah. And there's been a lot of research with the CTE also. And I think that's been a huge advancement and I think that's something that's very important. Especially for people at play sports, violent sports like that is. I remember watching hockey in the 80s, in the 90s, and it was a different world back then, like you were saying, and  it was way more violent back then  and in my opinion it was better hockey But, 1.9s but, but it's safe. 

 There was an expense to it. Yeah, 

 yeah, yeah. It's safer nowadays, but it's better for the players. 

 Exactly. But I think also nobody wants to go through all these traumas and lives that we go through, but in retrospect it's almost good in a way that I went through some of these trauma, not the certain traumas that they went to. I mean, I don't wish that my wife had a stroke. Of course, I wish she never did. Things would've been a lot better with us in our life and that not with us personally. Like we're tight from the time we were together to now we're still just as close as we ever were. But when it comes to just other things in life now, it helps you put things in perspective. Because here in my business too, I'm in a business, of course, of photography where people by now think, Oh, can you really make it as a photographer? I mean, that's a profession that's dead and gone now. Everybody's got cameras. They got cell phones that have amazing cameras on them. Um, who is going to hire a photographer when they can just go take it themselves? And that's true. But it's I'm still here. I'm one of the only brick and mortar studios here in my area that still has a physical studio space, commercial space, and I'm still making a living at it. So, I mean, I'm proof that you can still do it if you put your mind to it, because I don't let now a lot of the little things get to me that would have 15, 20 years ago if I didn't go through all that stuff because, um, you start looking at little issues that turn up or little problems and you're like, You know what? That's not a big thing. I'll deal with it. I'll do what I have to to get to make it work. But, I mean, I almost died in a car accident in 23 or so years ago. My wife almost died from two strokes in her life, and we're still here. If we can make it through that, we can get through anything like what you said earlier. So, I mean, it puts a lot of things that happen in my life in perspective, whether it be in my business or in our personal life. My daughters come to me and they're having issues with somebody at school making fun of them or this and that. It's like, you know what? By the time you graduate high school and you move on with your life, 95%, if not more, to 97% of the people you went to school with, you're never going to see them again because you all go your own ways and you go, I mean, how many people can you personally say until Facebook, of course, came on and now everybody's revaluing with everybody? But how many people before Facebook came around can you say that you went to school with and you were still friends with ten years, 15 years after you went to school with them? One Exactly. So I mean, these kids that are picking on you now, you're giving it another five, six years, graduate high school, get your go, whatever your way. You're never going to see them again, probably. And by the time you do, there's people that I see now from my high school. That maybe we weren't friends back then, or maybe we picked on each other and now we're like, Hey, how are you doing? What's going on in your life nowadays? And they find out you have families and you have this and you're like the best of friends because you grew up. I mean, yeah, kids are cruel. And so I tell my daughter, like, you think it's a big deal now. And yes, it is at that age. I mean, I wouldn't want to be a kid these age going to school with all the social media stuff, that stuff. I mean, that's a whole nother topic that you and I can go another hour or two with, probably. Yeah, but 1.2s but you look at my 22 year old daughter who works a full time job here, and she had some issues in high school with some kids and stuff like that. And now 1.1s they never talk about it. She's doing really well and even some of those kids that she did have issues with, they see each other at parties or they'll see each other at a grocery store and they're, hey, how are you doing? And they're all talking like friends because you grow up, you learn that, hey, that's in the past. Nothing. It was nothing serious. We were just stupid kids. And. And now I even have like another podcast I do with my high school, which is just for high my high school thing. We have over a thousand people on there which we never thought we would get. But I'm getting to see and and talk to people that I haven't seen in over 30 years. When I graduated, I graduated class of 1990 and I haven't seen a lot of these people since 1990, 91. And here I'm talking getting a chance to talk to them and find out what happened in the last 30 or 40 years in their life and what are they doing. And it's been really cool. But a lot of these people for 30 years, I've never seen what they did. So a lot of the stuff that the kids are going through and the mental health issues they're going through, um, you start to put it in perspective and I try and do that with my daughters and say, You know what, Yeah, it seems it seems really rough right now, but considering what your mom went through for four months straight in a hospital after not knowing if she was going to survive and here she is today, still making your lunches and and helping me out at my studio and things like that. Having a little person at school saying that you look funny because your nose or your ears or because of this and because it doesn't roll off, you know, it's hard to think that. But just let it roll off you because in the end of it, it's just a little thing that's not that shouldn't bother you. So yeah, I think that's the perspective I've got after being I'm 51 years old and after the last 30, 40 years that I've went through, you learn that stuff? Yeah. See, my daughter had a hard time making friends in school because she doesn't deal with people that are  mean or make malicious comments about other people or about her  very well. And she  she doesn't want to be around people like that. And so she had a hard time in school making friends for that reason. But then she also like I have this thing about me where and I even with the podcast, I say turn laughter into resilience. And I tried to instill that in her. And she was a lot like me when I was in high school where if a situation came. She would turn it into a joke and laugh it off. And she was able to let a lot of things go because of that. And, you know, a lot of people I got an ex her mom, actually, who hates that she's like me with her attitude. She turns everything into a joke. So I've won every argument with ever, never having to say anything at this point. But  that's all. But 1s I  don't know. I think laughter is something that I mean, it's healing in a lot of ways. 

 Definitely. Um, 

I actually had a question for you. How has your perspective on life or happiness and fulfillment changed as a result of your journey through everything you've been 

through? Good question. I think a lot of it has to do, like I said, like when I was younger and I was in high school, my whole ambition was I was going to be a rock and roll drummer. I was doing I was a rock and roll drummer back then, had long hair. Um, played drums through high school. And it wasn't until I went to school for a year for drums and college and I said, this is not I don't want somebody telling me how to do this. And I changed majors and that's when I learned photography. So I think just with everything I've gone through in my life between changing from being a drummer to now being a photographer and then trying to do that step and then having my car accident and then my wife's strokes and stuff like that. It does change your perspective on how things go and it makes you realize it's more of a gratitude thing, I guess. Um, be happy with what you have. And because back then, of course you just want to be rich or you just you want to marry that blonde bombshell you see on TV or just all that stuff. You have all these ambitions when you're young, and once you've gone through life and you get into your 40s. I think, like they say, the 40s is your new 20s. I totally believe that because that's when really your life is starting. I think your 20s and 30s, you're still out there looking for yourself, trying to figure out who you are and what you want to be. And when I hit my 40s, that's when I was doing photography full time. That's when we had our daughter, our youngest daughter. We already had our oldest daughter. We had our youngest daughter. We got a beautiful family. Then all of a sudden we could hit with that tragedy of my wife having this major stroke. It does put yourself in perspective more of just being gratitude that what you have now, I'm just happy now that I have my wife and my kids. We have a loving family. We just got a new puppy the other day. Like things. I mean, we're not the richest people out there. We're not making millions of dollars or things like that. But I think we're richer in other ways. And it's just a matter of putting your life in perspective and not trying to live it the way you want it to be back in your your 20s or early 20s and not try and live it through other people. Also, just be who you are. Teach your kids to be good people, have empathy for other people and just do the best you can. To get through your life because you only have that one time around. It's so much of a cliche, but it's so true. You only have one time around. Do the best with what you can now. And if you want to leave a statement on Earth, some sort of a remnant of yourself on Earth, teach your kids to be good people and treat other people well and just to live life to the fullest and not look back and say, you know, I wish I did this or I wish I did that. Go out there and get it within the laws, of course. 

 But 1.5s

 but yeah, you'll be a good person and that's all I can say. Be a good person, have empathy for other people because you don't know what other people are going through. And they always say the one with the biggest smile walking around that looks like the happiest and has has the best life that you don't know what struggles they're going on and they're fighting inside themselves behind closed doors. So and they're usually the ones you have to look in on more often and say, Hey, how are you doing Things going okay? Robin Williams is a big example of that. So, yeah, so don't don't judge other people unless you're perfect in every way, which nobody is, and you do everything right and you never do anything wrong and you always have the right answers, then you have no right to judge anybody else. So just have empathy for other people, what they're going through and just live your life the way you can and you want to and the way that you can to be the best person you are. And hopefully if you have children, you're going to raise them to be the same way. And I mean, that's the whole perspective I have. Just be the best person you can 

 be. Yeah. And practice what you preach with that. 

 Exactly. And sounds like you're definitely doing that with your children and, you know, teaching them the important aspects of life and what's most important. And I love to hear that because a lot of times you don't hear that as often as you would like to. 

 So I'm glad you touched on that. 

 And I know I'm not blind. I know my kids aren't perfect. I have stuff that they did through school or high school, probably even behind our backs. Yeah, We although, I mean, our kids aren't perfect. They've made mistakes and they learn from them. I mean, you got to let them make mistakes. I still to this day, I'm 51 years old and I still make tons of mistakes. If you ask my wife, she'll tell you every time I've made a mistake and what time of day it was and what day it was. So 3.1s I still make lots of mistakes and But you can't dwell on that. That's how you grow. I mean, you look at people like Donald Trump. I mean, as much as you hate the guy, the guy's a success. I mean, he's had how many businesses in his life fail, but he just got right back up on the horse again and went back at it and the guy became the president of the United States. I mean, yeah, it shows you that. Don't be afraid of failure. Get up there. Do it anyways. And if you fail, so what? It's not that you lost. It's a matter of you. You just now have a new learning experience. Take what you what made you fail? Turn it around and implement new strategies the next time you go to do it or the next time you try something else. Don't be afraid to fail. Just if you're afraid to fail, you're then you're never going to do anything. If you do sit back and watch and it goes all back to the beginning of our interview. If you're just going to be afraid of failure and want to live safely, then you're standing outside that fire. You're not getting in that fire and living life to your fullest. So just don't be afraid to make mistakes. Go out there. Do it. Fail. Fail twice. Fail three times. Who cares? Just get right back up. It's not what you did. It's how you reacted to what happened. That's what's going to make you and define you as a person and as a business. 

 Exactly. Exactly. Well, so we'll get ready to wrap up here. But one of the things that I wanted to ask you about is your podcast. Could you tell us your story of your podcast? What made you want to start it and and your aspirations for it? 

 So back in, what was it, March of 2020, a big thing happened in the world. If you do remember 1.8s this thing called a pandemic. And when that happened, it left a lot of us at home. Of course, for the first, what, six months, eight months, whatever, where we couldn't go anywhere, we had to stay home and do nothing. And if you're a total extrovert like myself, 1.9s going back on mental health, you need to be seeing people interacting with people, doing things with people. As an extrovert, being stuck at home is not an easy thing. So I would take to my computer and I'd go on Facebook on my just my normal page and I'll just say, let's just go and see what my friends are doing. And I would go on Facebook live and just start talking to my to my screen to say, Hey guys, what's up? Great doing. We're all stuck at home. What's going on in there? And you get 20, 30, 40, 50 people coming on there and they're all typing back and forth saying, Hey, John, how are you doing? And so we did this every night. Every day we got to the point where I was like, you know what? I'm going to go on tomorrow around 2:00. Everybody wants to join me. We're going to have coffee time with John or something like that. And we would just go in there and talk. And one of those days I was on there doing it and some guy logged in and he's like, Oh, there's that butler babbling again. And in my head I'm like, That's actually a good name. So I kept that in my brain. And so as I was going on and doing these, all of a sudden the world started opening back up again. And as it opened up, I thought, you know what? I actually enjoyed doing stuff like that. And so I just started looking into maybe starting a podcast and but didn't want to do just a normal audio podcast. I wanted to do a video podcast being a photographer, of course, and have camera equipment. It's like, why not do a video one? To me it was more engaging for my style. And so I decide, okay, I'm going to learn how to do this, but I want to do it right. I'm just going to jump into it. So I got a friend of mine and his daughter was a graphic designer, so I got her to design a logo for me and I said, Here's the title, here's the kind of idea I want. So she designed it all for me. We had a whole process, and from there we started Butler's Babble, which was a. A podcast that is hopefully while the main premise of it, of course, is to empower, motivate and inspire. That's the whole main premise. And what we do is we interview people who have been gone through some sort of a trauma, some sort of downtime in their life where they've been down on their luck. It could be mentally, physically, emotionally or even financially. But somehow they were able to make their way through it to the other side. And by doing so, they're living a better life, happier life. They're happy with themselves, and now they want to share their story with others and hope that they can even help one person that's listening on the other side. And so we get people from all walks of life. We've had people on there that's had my friend Kerri, who had a heart attack when she was 39 years old. I've had people that were alcoholics when they were younger and shouldn't have survived. And here they are living lives making six figures. I've had people on there that's had brain injuries, all these kind of things, ones that went through relationship pitfalls or they they were with the narcissist who was basically controlling of them. I have one coming out actually next week of a lady who her her mom, while she was growing up, her mom was diagnosed with multiple personalities. And they know right now of about 14 different personalities this lady had. And so she tells her story of growing up in a house with her mom who she didn't know who they were going to be seeing that day. So these are people that have went through really rough times in their life and they just want to share with other people and hope that they can help other people either going through it or have went through it and how they can cope with it and live the best life possible that they can. So it's been very humbling, as I can say. We're on it. We've done like 17 episodes or yeah, she'll be my 17th and we've got a bunch more lined up and yeah, it's really going well. It's through YouTube and it would be nice if people want to check it out and see maybe it's something that they can they can try. Yeah, we'll definitely link that in the show notes for you. Also, because I was listening to an episode the other day and I'm going to be an active listener from now on because I love your interview style 

 and the way that you interact with your guests. And you do have some interesting guests too, so I'm definitely a fan. 

 Oh, thank you. I appreciate that. And we're trying to get a lot more subscribers because the more subscribers we can get, the the more we can rank higher in in YouTube's different algorithms, of course. And also way we can monetize it eventually, because not that we want to make a lot of money off it, but the more we can get out of it, the more we can put into it and then we can get more we can advance the show because I want to get it out to the masses because these people that they deserve to be listened to, because the stories that they tell are everyday people going through these. And people are always like, Oh, that would never happen to me, but you never know. And so, 1.1s like I said, I'm very humbled that they're willing to come on and tell their story because A. A lot of them. They held it in for a long time, but they're willing to come on the air and do it. And you'll actually see to how I how I from my very first episode where we just had a total black back screen with a glowing light on it and how we've advanced it to the studio we have now. And and no, I'm really enjoying doing the show and I'm glad that you're enjoying the show that you did watch. And hopefully you do watch a bit more. And I'm hoping a lot of your listeners will be willing to come on over. It's very easy to find just YouTube.com, forward slash Butler's Bible, so it's not hard and it's got the the word Butler's Bible with a lightning bolt behind it and a fist microphone. So it's easy to find. And we have a Facebook page also that people go, it's called Butler's Bible Podcast, and it does more information on there and it does all the updates of when the new shows are coming out. And yeah, hopefully people will check it out because I feel very strongly, but it's something that's become a one of my babies, as you can say, and I'm very, very passionate about it. So because I think I learned just as much from listening to these people as any of you guys do, listening to the show afterwards. So and I've actually gone back and listened to a couple of episodes afterwards, too, because as you know, being a hoe, sometimes you miss certain things or you don't absorb it as much by sitting here being the one doing the questions. But then later on you go listen to it. It's like, Oh, now I know what they were talking about, or I understand that. So it's a lot nice to go back and look at some of these stuff. And, and so, yeah, I'm hoping people will check it out and and hopefully they'll like it and subscribe and get some of their other family and friends to check it out and subscribe because maybe we can help one of your listeners too, because if we can even just help one person, to me it's worth it all. 

 So absolutely. I completely agree with that. That's my goal also is just to help one person. Well, I appreciate you joining me today. I've enjoyed it. You're very inspirational and you've given me a lot to think about. And I appreciate that 

 note. And I thank you for having me on here. And if anybody wonders when they're listening back and they're like, where did I hear that? Just remember, if anybody asks, say, the butler did it. 1.9s I 

 love that. I love that. Well, you have a good day, sir. 

 You, too. Thank you very much. I enjoyed it. 

 All right. You too. Take care.